well, i've FINALLY, emphasis on the finally come to a realisation. well, it hit me when i least expected it. hmms. anyhow, i shall not disclose any details. but, yeah. i guess i was/am terrified of a few stuff. and, i wised up. ((: and, im glad of it. i'm gonna deal with this, knowing one thing that i've been doing wrong for so many years. from now on, i shall, and i will, do things for me, the reason, solely for me. not anyone else. i shall be selfish, and think for myself. get mine, while you get yours. i mean. the past few years, i've been doing things that, maybe i don't like to, or am being forced to, or doing stuff with one goal in my mind, which is them, and not me. so, form now on, it's gonna be all for me, and all about me. in the past; i had to be strong. at least i thought that i had to be. like 24/7. ya know. just to put a brave front. maybe another reason was that, i didn't want people to see through me, or my vulnerability. and, maybe, i just didn't want to admit it... yeah. maybe that's it. but, now, i shouldn't. i should have never had. it's just not real. and, it's bad. i don't like fake stuff, yet, i was acting throughout my entire life. it's bad, cause then, i'm being such a hypocrite. and, i didn't even know it? so yeah. it sucks. what was i thinking? man, i seriously do feel that i was such a dumbass then. gosh.

anyways, chem pract today sucked. so careless man. irritated. plus, i screwed up titration? idiot man. i put like the wrong solution in the pipette? and, i didn't pay attention to the results. gosh.

RARHH!!

im so irritated with myself. ok, i feel dumb.

however, after chem pract. caleen jac and i did the craziest thing ever. haha. but, it was kinda cool right? haha. it was fun too. haha. even tho it was quite lame. it was still fun. and, we really did enjoy ourselves didn't we? haha. i miss those times. ((:

anyways, on a side note, thank you freda, for spending your time, knocking sense into my head. i love you so much. and i miss you so!

manda misses and loves freda.

come back soon yeah? ((:

loveyou,

manda.